If you’re lucky enough to be at the lake, you’re lucky enough.
That motto is boldly emblazoned on signs at either end of the sleepy
little shoreside berg of Moses Lake, Texas. The letters, carefully
tinted with gold paint, shine in the sunlight like a heavenly promise.
Or a divine farce, depending on who you are.
If you’re on your way to an appointment you can’t afford to miss, and
you find yourself lost on some back road, listening to the hiss of a
tire going undeniably flat . . . well,
then . . . proximity to water does not in any way alter
your sense of misfortune. The only overriding feeling at a time like
that, other than sheer terror, is an unhappy kinship with the road. A
sense of being just like it—rutted, pitted, cracked, and scarred,
wandering through the wilderness, headed in completely the wrong
direction.
I’d always imagined, as I counted
down the latter half of my thirties, that I’d be rolling through life
like a family sedan on a superhighway—not in Moses Lake, certainly, but
somewhere. It was a comfortable expectation, the problem being that
building a life is a little like planning a road trip. You travel mile
by mile, each depending on the last. It’s hard to end up where you
planned when there are flaws in the map, and the more you look, the
more you realize there have been gaps all along, and at this point
you’re hopelessly off course.
Now what? Would
be a logical question at such a time, but the problem with asking such
questions—of God, or the universe, or whoever you believe might be
listening—is that you already know the logical reply, and you’re just
voicing the query because you don’t like your own answer. You want
someone to tell you differently.
I pictured how
I must look standing there on that middle-of-nowhere dirt road—an
average brown-haired, brown-eyed woman in a new pantsuit and sensible
shoes, shouting into the air. “Could this day possibly get any worse!
Could this week, this year, this . . . anything possibly get any worse?”
Of course there were
things that could be worse than being stuck in the woods, thereby
flubbing my first afternoon of field appointments. But considering my
woeful lack of experience, I was fortunate to have gotten a counseling
position at all, even if my duties did include driving the back roads
to work with families who lived out in the sticks. It was a starting
point, at least, and I couldn’t afford to lose this job. One way or
another, I had to get myself back on the road.
The cell phone let out a wobbly, in-and-out ring, and somehow I knew it
wasn’t one of the tow truck drivers for whom I’d left messages with
directions that included things like, Turn by the fork-ed tree,
and go past the stinky hog farm with the fence made of contraband road
signs, and keep going, keep going, keep going until you ford what looks
like a bottomless mud hole, and at the top of the next hill, you’ll see
a blue car in the ditch on the right . . .
No telling whether those directions would lead anyone to me. I had no
choice but to leave them and to leave a message at my office, where no
one had answered, either. My cell phone was slowly losing battery
strength atop a pile of case files and maps, while tow truck drivers
everywhere took coffee breaks away from their phones. Thanks to my son,
who at fourteen should have had no use for a cell phone car charger, I
had no means of refueling my phone at the moment.
I could see the plan for the day rapidly disintegrating from, Attack first day of field work with passion, vigor, and determination, to the old tried-and-true motto of the past year, Get by somehow, along with, Figure out how to change tire (I’d seen this done on TV a time or two) or possibly Hike to safety.
Taking a hopeful breath, I tried to sound calm as I answered the phone,
so as not to scare away whoever was on the other end.
My mother’s static-laced voice sent a strange mixture of relief and
queasy dread through me. Mom and Dad hadn’t wanted me to take the
counseling position, and this snafu in the woods would only help to
prove their point. On the other hand, I was as good as rescued and even
having your parents lecture you at thirty-eight beats being stranded in
the middle of nowhere. “Mom? Mom, can you hear me? I
need help.”
She didn’t answer. For a moment, I
had the disheartening vision of my voice being lost between cell phone
towers somewhere. Maybe I could hear my mother, but she couldn’t hear
me. Which also meant that all those calls to tow truck drivers were a
waste of what was left of the cell phone batteries. “Mom? I need help.”
Mother was probably tired of those words, after a year in which so many
of our interactions centered on my need for help. I couldn’t blame her.
I was tired of it. I was tired of myself, tired of not being
self-sufficient, tired of this weird dynamic in which, after sixteen
years of marriage, I was suddenly on my own again, destitute, and back
under my parents’ thumb, living in their lake house. Hence, the job
with Tazinski and Associates, which was at the low-paying end at the
counseling spectrum, but still a realistic means of rebuilding my life
and supporting myself and my son. It was time to stop hanging on
everyone else’s apron strings, use the counseling degree I’d earned
while my ex-husband was the vice-chancellor of a lovely Christian
college in Houston, and make a life of my own.
“Andrea. Andrea?” Mother’s voice crackled amid the static of a choppy
connection. “Where are you? I can barely hear.”
“Mom, you’re not going to believe this, but I’ve got a flat. I need a
wrecker. I’m out in the middle of no . . .”
“Andrea? I can’t . . . ake out one thing
you’re saying. Pull to the top of a . . . and stop
driving. . . . told you you’d have terrible reception
out on the other side of the lake. What if your car breaks down, or you
get . . . tuck in the mud? What then? It isn’t
safe . . . all kinds of riffraff live up there in the
timber, and who knows . . . sort of people might be
hanging around the public beaches. Honestly, . . . drea!
Most of those roads are so deserted, you could sit . . .”
“Wrrr-eck-er. I. Need. A. Wrrr-eck-er. Mom? Hello?” The line went dead,
and when I tried to dial back, the phone just clicked, and clicked, and
clicked, pinging towers in vain.
Thus, I had the
answer to the hasty question I’d spit into the air moments before. What
could be worse than having a flat tire in the middle of nowhere when
you’re supposed to be at an appointment?
Finding
out that your cell calls aren’t going through, and no wrecker is
coming, and you really are all alone . . . and perhaps
hearing the rumble of thunder somewhere in the distance on what had
seemed to be a perfectly clear July afternoon.
“No, no, no,”
I whispered, or perhaps by then I was begging. If a storm hit, the dirt
road I was standing on would rapidly become a quagmire of chalky
limestone-colored goo.
Shading my eyes, I looked
up, but the narrow strip of sky visible above the thick canopy of live
oaks seemed harmless enough. Just the gentle blue of central Texas
summer. Not a cloud in sight.
The rumble grew,
then waned, then grew again. A puff of breeze blew through, whipping a
silty white dust devil along the road. I turned my shoulder and
squeezed my eyes shut, the force of the wind pushing dust through my
clothing and into the pores of my skin. When the breeze died, the scent
of dirt road and eminent storm remained, along with a faint noise I
couldn’t quite identify. Grit fell from my lashes as I blinked,
straining toward the sound. A rumbling, but not the rise and fall of
thunder.
A car. I heard a car.
Rescue! Oh, thank you! I
moved closer to the road, but a hallelujah yell died on my lips as an
old pickup, grey with spots of rust and a missing front fender, rattled
into view amid the dust cloud. Squinting, I tried to make out the
driver, but reflections on the dirty glass obscured the inside. The
shadow of a pine tree, thick and murky, finally passed over the
vehicle, yielding a fractional glimpse into the cab. The driver was
tall, thin-shouldered, wearing a ball cap of some kind. He wasn’t alone
in the truck. Someone was in the passenger seat, the head rising just
slightly above the dash. A child, perhaps. The idea was comforting, as
if somehow the presence of a child indicated that I,
too, would be safe.
On the other hand, my new
career was all about the knowledge that children weren’t always safe.
I’d headed up here for a home visit with a woman who’d been reported to
CPS by a summer-school bus driver who couldn’t drop off kids because a
domestic dispute was ongoing in their front yard. Growing up, I’d heard
the plethora of warnings about the riff-raff living on the other side
of the lake. There was no telling what kind of people resided in these
hills, where patches of private land remained remote, surrounded by
sprawling state park holdings and massive blocks of territory that had
been timber tracts in days gone by.
Stepping back
against my car, I held out an uncertain, one-handed stop sign, mentally
weighing my options. I needed to get out of here, but I knew I was in a
very vulnerable position. . .
The
truck drifted to the left, as if to go around me and pass by. Surely no
one would simply drive on and leave a woman stranded here alone on this
remote road.
I moved forward a step, stuck my hand out farther.
Surely, he’d stop.
“Hey!” I hollered. The truck was only a few feet away now, close enough
that I could see a hand gripping the partially opened passenger window.
A small hand. A child’s hand, the fingers brown with dirt. “I need
help!” I hollered above the engine’s wheeze and chug. Something was
squealing at an ear-piercing pitch, the sound bouncing off trees and
cliffs. “I need help!”
As if in answer, a sudden gust of wind
swirled up, caught the dust cloud rising behind the truck, whipped it
in my direction. I threw my arm over my eyes, felt grains sand and tiny
bits of gravel pepper my cheeks.
Thunder rumbled somewhere nearby.
A dog barked and growled, the sound so close that I felt for the edge
of my car, grabbed it and pulled myself back, prepared to climb in, if
necessary. Squeezing my eyes open a pinch, I saw the dog, a pit bull
with its ears flattened and teeth bared, poised to jump as the truck
slowly circumvented my car. I watched in frozen fascination, the way
voyeurs look into the eye of a tornado or ogle a traffic accident.
The truck cleared my vehicle, and beyond the dog’s frenetic barking, a
tiny slice of movement snagged my attention. A little girl was watching
me through the back window. She’d turned in her seat, climbed onto her
knees, pressed a palm to the glass, her head tilted slightly to the
side, as if she were curious about me, or confused by my presence
there. Her dark hair floated in wispy, tangled curls around her face,
her pale blue eyes regarding me with a concern that seemed out of place
in the round orb of a child’s face. She couldn’t have been more than
five, maybe six. Leaves were tangled in her hair, and her skin was
brown from the sun, her cheeks a combination of pink sunburn and
smudges of dirt.
She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.
The mother in me protested, and the newly certified counselor made a
mental note. It wasn’t uncommon for people to skip the seatbelt while
tooling around the lake on these back roads, but it wasn’t legal,
either.
The truck drifted to the shoulder ahead,
the brakes squealing as it slowed. I caught a breath, relieved, and in
the back of my mind, I turned over the seatbelt issue—looked at it from
a few different angles. Was there a polite way to tell your rescuer
that he needed to buckle up his little passenger? Judging by the
stooped shoulders and shaggy strings of gray hair dripping from the
edges of the ball cap, he was probably a grandfather who didn’t know
any better. Perhaps still living back-in-the-day when kids cavorted
around car interiors unburdened by seatbelts, and the only safety
restraint was a grown-up’s hand shooting out at a sudden stop.
The truck rattled to a halt thirty feet past my car. I waited for it to
shift into reverse and come back, but it only sat idling. The driver
moved just enough to look in his rearview mirror as the dog ran to the
tailgate to bark. The little girl continued watching me through the
back window.
Walking to the center of the road, I motioned to my
car. “Hey . . . hello? I have a flat tire.
I . . .” In my head, a caution flag went up. This was
not normal behavior. He was just watching me in the rearview. Something
was wrong.
Overhead, A cloud blotted out the sun, and the wind caught the flat of
my back, shoving like an invisible hand. Somewhere in the hills,
thunder rumbled again, raising goose bumps on my arms and making me
acutely aware of my desperate circumstances.
The
dog clawed the tailgate, snarling and bearing its teeth, its small,
slanted eyes narrowing as if it were priming for attack. Inside the
truck, the little girl turned her attention to the animal.
A child wasn’t safe around a dog like that. That was the kind of dog
that ended up on the news for mauling someone to death. What sort of a
person kept a dog like that around a child?
I
took a step backward, looking again at the driver. What was he doing?
Why was he just watching me? Why
would he stop, but not get out?
Was he studying me, trying to decide how much of a fight I would put up?
Chapter 2